I was recently diagnosed w/PTSD. I'm a 36 yr old wife/mother. My Mom died very suddenly/unexpectedly 3 yrs ago. I'm the oldest; was the 1st called (she lived in the next town over) & was the first there & had to make all the notifications to bring in the rest of the family & her final arrangements. She was my best friend; we talked everyday; she was not sick; I had just talked w/her earlier that day. She was going to dinner w/us when she died of a heart attack getting out of the shower. I had just talked to her; she was fine. My father died 6 yrs ago; he had MS for 25 yrs; I handled his death pretty well because he had been sick for so long. Mom's death, I made it through the arrangements & making sure everyone was okay. I started to spiral 6 months after she died. Everyone around thought I was doing 'just fine' 3 yrs later because I'm still here. The thing nobody realized was, I felt like I was standing in the middle of a room, screaming for someone to please notice me, talk to me about the things I needed to talk about & nobody seems to even notice me. I currently suffer from insomnia, little appetite, a hair trigger anger issue (nobody helps w/that especially; I feel like everyone deliberately pushes my buttons most of the time), extreme loss of interest in anyone/anything (including my family; this makes me even worse because then I feel like a failure as a mother/wife). I also feel completely numb most of the time. Honestly, I would be perfectly happy to stay in bed & sleep most days away. My doctor wants me to start some counseling as part of my therapy. My husband & I are both self employed w/no health insurance because we can't afford it. I'm supposed to check w/the free clinic next week & see if they have a counselor there. I feel like I'm drowning most of the time anymore. My "best friend" keeps insisting it's ludicrous for me to be diagnosed PTSD 3 yrs after Mom died. My husband/sons are very supportive. I am trying to get back to functioning & am slowly making progress - slowly. My problem is, other than my husband & sons, nobody else is really listening to my diagnosis & work w/that knowledge. They act like it's just 'business as usual' w/me. They are constantly telling me this is something reserved for soldiers & I really should not be diagnosed PTSD because people's parents die everyday & how can I classify myself into a disorder soldiers come back from deployment w/because of the atrocities they've seen. One friend actually asked me, "Are you REALLY going to go w/PTSD just because your 'Mommy died'? Really?" I feel even worse after things like that & they're happening more frequently. I've stopped telling people about the diagnosis & tend to stay to myself. I can go weeks w/o setting foot outside of the house. I want to work through this & have appropriate people to talk to & have been told to look for a PTSD support group in my area, but honestly I'm terrified to join such a group w/my story after the reaction I'm getting from people that are friends/family. Any advice? Really, more than anything, I just want my life back.
I too have PTSD I was diagnosed about 5 years ago now but have had it closer to 10. The symptoms suck, everything from jumping a foot if something falls or makes a loud noise.. and/or panic attacks that I don't really know when they are coming etc. It really only is worse because like you probably all can agree on the outside I/look or seem fine. I over react often and cry too easily, I can't watch violent TV and nor can I keep friends :( nice to read I'm not alone. Thankyou for making this site.. Pugzley